By Stephanie Fornaro, CEO of Hello, Nanny!
Seven years ago when my son was born, my husband and I vowed we would split the mental and physical load of new parenthood. But, like most new parents know, your vision of how motherhood should be doesn’t always align to reality.
Those first days and weeks were a blur. I was so in love with my baby and so resentful of my husband who despite his best efforts and unwavering support, just couldn’t meet my needs as a new mom. The middle-of-the-night feedings fell to me, as did the bouncing, rocking and shushing to quell those baby cries. How could I be so captivated by new motherhood, and still feel this boiling resentment of my partner who had the best of intentions, but just didn’t understand how I was feeling postpartum? I didn’t feel myself and then felt bad that I felt that way. Something had to change.
Admitting I Needed Help and Finally Accepting It
At one of our first pediatrician appointments I felt like a shell of myself. The doctor immediately began to ask about my wellbeing—which at the time I thought was odd since we were there to check on the health of my son. I told her that I felt like I was drowning in dirty diapers, dishes and bottles. And nothing—not even my husband—could help dig me out of this hole. It turns out that like many mothers, I was suffering from postpartum depression. At the time, I didn’t have the awareness to recognize this, but luckily, my husband and our pediatrician sensed something was off.
When our doctor gently suggested hiring outside help I immediately balked at the idea. I had the expectation that 100% of the support would come from either my husband or me. After all, we discussed it at length when I was pregnant. The thought of hiring someone to help never even crossed my mind.
But, I realized that admitting that our dynamic wasn’t working and that I needed professional help didn’t mean I was a bad mom. In fact, recognizing that there was a kink in our armor made me a better mom. So, I swallowed my pride, adjusted my expectations and agreed to hire a mother’s helper. Even saying it out loud made me feel a bit lighter.
Our mother’s helper began with us just a few hours a week—she washed bottles, helped prep dinner and held my son so I could nap or shower. She quickly grew into a full-time nanny and I realized then what motherhood could be with adequate and trustworthy support. Her support meant that I could focus on my mental wellbeing and show up in a more dedicated way as a mother.
Childcare Solutions Should Fit Your Family’s Needs
As our mother’s helper grew into a full-time nanny role, I realized that finding childcare and household support that fits your family’s needs, budget and lifestyle is not a one-size-fits-all solution. What works for one family, may not work for another. Luckily, there are numerous options and it’s up to society to normalize talking about them:
Live-in nanny
A nanny who lives with the family and provides childcare services in the family home. Live-in nannies typically have their own private room or suite and bathroom.
A nanny provides childcare in the family home. Many families opt for this solution to help restore work-life balance. The nanny takes care of the children’s routine, which allows parents to have more space to focus on their careers without compromising their quality of family life.
A nanny share is when typically two families hire one nanny to care for their children in their home. Generally, both children are around the same age.
Newborn care specialists focus solely on the needs of newborns and new parents during the 4th trimester. Many are often certified and trained to provide advice on feeding, sleep, establishing routines and more.
Household managers oversee a family’s day-to-day operations, from handling a family’s budget to organizing events and activities to managing other household staff.
Household Assistant
In a similar vein as a household manager, a household assistant (also known as a family or personal assistant) ensures a household is operating smoothly. Responsibilities can include meal prep, pet care, calendar management and arranging travel.
Mother’s Helper
Mother’s helpers assist with household and child- and baby-related tasks while a parent is present. They can fold laundry, play with the baby or child, clean and lend an extra set of hands for the parent.
Daycare
A group childcare facility that typically offers care for infants through toddlers.
The Benefits of Quality Child Care
So much of motherhood is feeling like you’re being pulled in a thousand directions at once. And, while moms know that the push and pull will never totally go away, having quality childcare means that you’ll at least have breathing room to show up as your most authentic self, whether you’re at SAHM or you work outside of the house full-time. Quality and trustworthy childcare will help you as a mother thrive and prioritize your own wellbeing so that you can be your best self at work and your best self at home.
For children, the benefits of quality child care also have lasting impacts on their development and family happiness. According to the American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine, children who receive consistent,
high-quality care develop crucial social skills, such as empathy, patience, and cooperation. These experiences build the foundation for emotional intelligence, which can influence everything from academic performance to interpersonal relationships later in life.
So, You’re Ready for Childcare. Now What?
Just like looking for a job, finding reliable childcare is a time-consuming process. Here are a few things parents should consider when starting the search:
- What type of childcare solution fits your family’s needs and lifestyle, including cost and schedule.
- Where to look for a caretaker. Whether you opt for a nanny or daycare, there are many ways to find the right person. From word-of-mouth referrals to agencies that streamline the entire process for you end to end (think: vetting candidates, helping you set up payroll and ensuring you’re following all local laws and restrictions), there are dozens of ways to source candidates.
- Checking references. You’ll want to ensure you conduct a thorough background check, including checking references and even social media handles.
- Trial days. Most families will test out a caretaker or daycare before officially making a decision. This ensures it’s a right fit for both parties.
Reclaiming My Identity as a Mom and Business Owner
Hiring a nanny literally saved my marriage and my sanity—and I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. It made me a better, more engaged and more present mother. Because of my journey, I’ve made it my life’s mission to normalize hiring household help and talking loudly about its benefits. And, I’m lucky to do this every day as the founder of Hello, Nanny!, a boutique nanny agency that connects top-tier professionals with compatible families. There should be no stigma associated with doing something that makes you a better person and mother.
Moms Deserve More
We wouldn’t even be having much of this conversation if mothers operated in a society that gave us adequate support. Hiring household help shouldn't be a luxury reserved for those who can afford it. We deserve paid family leave, equitable access to maternal care, a society that embraces (and allows for) hiring household help and structural support that sets every mother up for success.
Empowering Mothers at Hello, Nanny!
I always say that when mothers thrive, everyone benefits. As CEO and Founder of Hello, Nanny! my mission is to make this a reality. We support mothers in all stages of motherhood, helping her find, vet and hire a nanny or household staff so she can be her best self at work or at home.
Our concierge experience combines industry knowledge with recruiting expertise, which means we streamline the entire recruiting process, provide access to our network of pre-vetted professionals and ensure that you find the perfect match for your family. We also take care of all of the busy work for you like verifying employment history and credentials, conducting a background check, auditing social media accounts, helping set you up with a payroll provider, drafting the employment agreement, coordinating interviews and trial days, and much more.
Hello, Nanny! is a bespoke service that ensures you and your nanny are set up for a long-lasting and meaningful partnership. Working with our agency is effortless because moms deserve the peace of mind that comes with knowing every detail is expertly handled. We’re here to lighten the mental and physical load of parenting so you can focus on what truly matters: being the best version of yourself for you and your family.
