Dr. Whitney: Hey everybody. Welcome back to the Modern Mommy Doc podcast. I'm Dr. Whitney, and today I'm welcoming Rachael Brooke. Rachael, I know from Bird Cycle, which is the spin studio that I go to, which really dumbs it down. That shouldn't be how I explain it. I mean, it's like a spiritual experience that I feel like when I'm there, especially with Rachael. So Rachael, welcome to the show and please introduce yourself.

Rachael: That was such a nice intro that I'm very grateful for. I love doing what I do, and I love "teaching fitness," and that's not what it really feels like to me. So it means the world when I hear that people say it's more of an experience for them. I'm so glad we're both in Portland, Oregon. It's so nice to see people in person and know people. I teach movement and fitness and mindfulness, and I used to be so gung-ho on doing fitness in a million cajillion ways, lifting all the weights, using all the equipment, and now I've really honed in my practice to less being more, and I'm so excited to talk about that today with you.

Dr. Whitney: So we are gonna talk about this idea of Americans in particular, feeling this need to be in constant motion and feeling uncomfortable with the idea of slowing down. Tell me how you see that show up in the sessions that you teach.

Rachael: I'll use an example of today. I taught a spin class and it was slow and it was heavy. And you know, everyone's sweating. I don't even teach on the bike most of the time anymore. That's just not how my nervous system and my body likes for me to work out anymore. But I've been doing it for so long. So that's a whole other story. But I'm watching people really be challenged by the depth and the slowness, and I know that's not for everyone. I know some people come to a spin class and want it to be quick and fast, or workouts that are loud, and I still play loud music. We still do fast moments. There's good functions for all of that. But it's a cardio class. It's a conditioning class. It's using this piece of equipment that when I slow people down, I notice it makes people work harder, be more present in their body, be in the experience, and have more long lasting effects--be it their metabolism, or be it their thoughts or be it the challenge that came into their mind and they like worked through energy and motion and emotion. Someone day after class was like, I cried in class. And not that that's my goal, but when we slow down, we can have those experiences versus when we're going quick and fast and loud. And "distracted" would be the word. I used to teach classes that I think were very distracting classes. And I loved them. I loved going to them, I loved doing them. I really think that it was hard for us to not be distracted. We wanted distractions, we wanted flashiness. We wanted to, come in, tune out, and that's it. Versus I think there's a way that you can tune out all the noise and then tap into your own self and your own body, and that can't happen with the distraction. So it's been really fun to see that shift in fitness, see it shift for myself, experience for myself, and now kind of watch it trickle out to other people.

Dr. Whitney: Totally. Did the person who said they cried, were they happy that it brought them to that place? Or did it make them feel uncomfortable, do you think?

Rachael: Great, great question. I look back at my career where I taught at SoulCycle, I taught at Barry's bootcamp when those companies really headlined the boutique fitness scene in some really phenomenal ways. And I'm so grateful that I got to teach for them. I was taught by them. I had mentors at both places, and I built friendships and clients and lifelong situations through that. But I look back at that career and I do look back at some of my training, and I was not trained, and people really weren't trained to hold space for people going through big things. So I do think in the past there must have been many situations where folks might have an emotional release that they're not really held in those spaces.

Again, not dissing them at all. And I think the fitness scene, in general, is changing a lot. I'm seeing a lot of people change. And in that, I do think in the past, yeah, I probably had people cry in class and they were like, this is uncomfortable, or I'm triggered, I'm experiencing something, and I feel unsafe. And I've spent the last three, four years really focusing and learning and getting mentored in and certified in all these different ways to, for lack of a better term, be trauma informed, trauma aware, and be able to still teach my kick ass cardio classes, that are in boutique fitness spaces and hold a more ethical space for people to have those experiences. And that's come with so much time for me. So that being said, I can't speak for that exact person today. They did act and say it as if that was really what I needed, more or less, is what I heard from them, which was really cool. And I do hear that a lot. And my response to them actually was, oh my gosh, I make myself cry all the time too.

Dr. Whitney: Well, the reason that I was asking is, you know, it's funny. I'm the type of person, I love a good cry. I love a sad movie. I love the release of that. I love a good sad song. But I think that sometimes the being quiet, if I'm being totally honest, is really difficult for me, because it faces not just emotion, but my own emotions. It leaves me more with the anxiety that I have underneath it all, you know? Because I have to just be quiet with myself. And that's really hard. It is easier to be distracted, I think, for all of us as moms. And I think the way we live our lives is basically practicing being distracted, day in and day out, that, for me, sometimes it's more work to sit in that space.

Rachael: I'm so the right person to talk to about this right now.

Dr. Whitney: Is it happening for you too, even though you teach classes?

Rachael: Oh my gosh, yeah. You're catching me at the end of two months being totally off. I have not worked out. I have moved my body and I go on walks. I move when my body calls for movement. But to be someone known as a trainer at big studios, I had digital apps myself, I was running a fitness business, and I was dealing with severe chronic pain and severe anxiety and things that I couldn't get diagnosed. And that's after my whole panic disorder and Klonopin addiction that I dealt with for many, many years. Numbing myself. I wanted to be so distracted and I was. I would take a lot of Klonopin and I could somehow run on a treadmill at a Barry's bootcamp class. Like what? Granted I was like 20, 22 and now I'm almost 32. I can barely do even just a normal day that I did when I was 22.

But I really did not want to sit and be with myself. And that all came crashing down. And I'm so grateful for the support and medicine and so many different people and situations that supported me to get to the other side of that. That then was about a month before March of 2020, where we were all in our rooms, not able to leave, had to be with ourselves. My rock bottom happened six months prior to that point, so I had to take those six months prior to March 2020 and learn how to be with myself. And then obviously I was holding space for a lot of other people, and it led to where I'm at today.

But I say that because we can put together the dots when we look back. We can't put together the dots when we look forward. I think I'm an old soul and I look back and I'm like, that feels like 20 lifetimes. How was that just my twenties? I'm so psyched for what's next for this. And really feeling like my purpose, my dharma came from experiencing what I experienced in such a short amount of time and being in the fitness scene. And now here I am. I had all these chronic things. I'm like, wow, it's been three years. I've slowed down so much, and in that slowdown, it's been so uncomfortable and things have changed for me.

And then I look at those old videos of me or photos of me from four years ago. I was doing the most and going and thought that I was not doing enough. And I look at her and I'm like, oh, no. She actually does look unwell. She does look kind of distracted. I can see it in my eyes. And meanwhile that whole time I thought I needed to do more. And here I am, I feel better than ever. I feel healthier than ever. I would love to sweat a little bit more when I want to. And a lot of the chronic pain, chronic illness, chronic anxiety has started to dissipate. And I'm getting my body back to not a totally perfect nervous system, but a nervous system that can respond to stress and then enjoy the relaxation.And the thing that's helped me the most was when I learned to be uncomfortable in quiet and not have the distractions. 

I met with this woman who she specializes in the Psoas, which in Chinese medicine, is considered the messenger to the soul. And her name is Liz. And I'm totally blanking on her last name right now. I have a lot of Lizes I've asked for support from, but she's all about connected core awareness. And I met with her at the beginning of this two month journey of mine. I was like, Liz, gimme all the answers. I wanna keep my pain within my Psoas. And I'd finally figured that out. And she was just like, “You're funny. You're trying to go into the next two months, the way that you've been living your whole life. You're going into two months of rest as intensely as you do your whole life.” 

She gave me just this one assignment to sit in what's called constructive rest, where you're on your back, your knees are bent, your feet are on the floor, barefooted. And to close my eyes and to just do that every day, while also continuing to do my normal life. I couldn't just go cold-turkey--this is gonna then be a practice in my entire life. And so this was just eight weeks ago. Week one I would try sitting there for 30 seconds. Five minutes in, and I was going wild. Like, I wanted to grab my phone. I craved and needed those distractions. My body itched to move. By week two, I think I cried while I was in it. And then got sleepy and took a nap. Week three, I now notice so many other things I do. 

I'm not going on a walk listening to podcasts at the same time. I don't know why I did that. But now I go on a walk and I don't listen to anything. I'm there. I'm present. I cook now without a TV show on in the background. That's in week three, week four, week five, I now notice when I'm in constructive rest, my stomach kind of gurgles because it's digesting in that moment. And I guess all that to say that, yeah, it's so uncomfortable. And yeah, I'm a "movement professional." But for somebody with chronic anxiety, someone with chronic pain, chronic anything, resting has been the key.

It's hot right now to talk about nervous systems and regulating it and there's so many experts, so I'm not even gonna pretend to try to talk about that. But I wanna learn about it. And I think everybody should experience it for themselves. And it will be uncomfortable because we are so conditioned. I'm not a mother, but I see my mom friends, I see my own mother, and I see what I imagine motherhood potentially being for me, being lots of distraction. You have other living humans that you're taking care of their nervous system. You're making sure that they feel safe. So making sure that your own body feels safe has probably, on some scientific level and mental level, been proven.

Dr. Whitney: No, a hundred percent. If you are not showing your nervous system that you are not running from a tiger, basically, it just never slows down. I love what you said too about how Liz said you have to keep on living your life while you do this. Because I think that happens for a lot of us. We think when things are perfect, when my kids are grown, when I have the perfect job, when I move into my new house that's gonna be shiny and new, that's when I'll start doing the things that are really good for me. And that's when I'll start practicing being able to be quiet. It's like, well, geez, you're living your life right now, and however you are now is how you're gonna be once you get to that "perfect" place too. So yeah, that makes a ton of sense to me.

I wanna talk to you about this idea that you talked about in your classes, about exercise not being a punishment and not being something that we have to get through in order to be able to enjoy our lives. Talk to me about that, because there's so many women who feel that way, who feel like this is something I have to do to my body, so that way I fit in or I'm okay.

Rachael: First, I do wanna say her name is Liz Koch. If people look that up and nervous system or Psoas, it's changed my life in a short amount of time. But as far as exercise, I was a professional dancer. I even breathed incorrectly. I would inhale and suck in, versus inhale and let my diaphragm expand. I'm working on that now and I haven't danced in 10 years. And so not just being a dancer, but I think being anyone between the age of 25 and 45 and beyond. Whatever we experienced in the nineties and early two thousands that was teaching us fitness and thinness. 

And then we were rewarded when we hit those things. I can't think of the amount of times in my life that I was at my lowest mentally, physically, hormonally, and yet I was the thinnest for my body. And people would celebrate that or congratulate me. Or I would get to be on the poster for the photo shoot. It was rewarded. And that continued to perpetuate. I was gonna choose the option in which I get rewarded, because we all wanna be included. We all wanna be included.

Dr. Whitney: For me, I want to get the speaker deal. I want my husband to be like, "Oh, wow!" when I come to the bathroom. I want my parents to be like, "Oh, you look like you've lost some weight."

Rachael: I want everyone who talks like that, I wanna give them a hug. And I wanna ask them how they feel about themselves. And say it's okay that we were all taught what we were taught. I mean, these ideal beauty standards. I'm in a straight relationship with a straight white man. He came into our relationship so authentic and made me feel beautiful. And it's been the best thing ever. We've had such great conversations of what a man like him has been taught is supposed to be beautiful in a woman. That's been so amazing to hear from him. 

We've all been conditioned to find certain things attractive in each other. But in reality, we don't actually find that. What we find attractive is the soul. I mean, now I'm getting into it. It's not about the body, it is the soul. We can say it all day. And until people can be in that kind of relationship that shows that to them or have that relationship between themselves and know that they are not their body. They're so much more than that. And yet, we live in this material world, where we are quite literally are our body. I work in grief a lot, too. So, I'm used to it, even myself included, in grief. I'm like, okay, my spirit understands I'm forever connected, but then my body's going through trauma. Let's hold both.

So somehow that gets back to the idea that we've then been conditioned and taught what beauty standards that our partners will find attractive. And all of that is BS that marketing companies have put out there, so that they make money. Nobody profits off of us being confident. Everybody profits right now off of us being insecure. They profit off of that. Something I did actually on social media was that I unfollowed every person that my old mindset was wanting myself to look like. Women's bodies, fitness trainers, whatever it was. I unfollowed them. Not because anything was wrong with them, but I was feeding my own eyes.

And I started paying really clear attention to women that I followed that I found beautiful, that had bodies that were very different from mine. And that I found their style beautiful. I found their energy beautiful. I found their vibe beautiful. And my whole feed is now that. I had never followed influencers before. I unfollowed a bunch of people I knew in the fitness world and I re-followed all these people that were living life. Of course it's social media, they're dealing with all their own stuff as well. But it just started to feed my eyes this idea of like, wait, wait, wait, Rachael, you actually find THAT beautiful. And it's about so much more than that. And that was just this little thing that I did that changed a lot for me.

And it would just reinstate on days I'd be hard on myself. Or back to your question, about working out as punishment. I was working out a lot to get rewarded or working out because I indulged or lived my life. Now I must work out to earn that. Like all of that. The minute that I would start to hear those thoughts (I'm not perfect in it. I still hear some of those thoughts. It's deeply conditioned in me) I would take a minute and really ask myself, what do I find beautiful? What do I find attractive? What do I find as a quality of life that makes me feel alive?

I would keep leaning towards that. That ultimately meant, I love spin and I love cardio and I love working out, but my body only loves it a couple times a month. It only likes it once a week, maybe. It's taken me a while to feel the call in my body. For mothers, hormones, breastfeeding, giving birth or figuring out your menstrual cycle, whatever that means. And I know that you can be a mother without a menstrual cycle, but all hormones come into play, no matter what human body you are in. And our world's based upon this patriarchal system of a male body. A body that doesn't have seasons and doesn't have cycles and doesn't create life through the uterus. The world is created and designed for that. And fitness is then created and designed for that saying, hey, look like this. Have these tiny little muscles. We're not supposed to have six packs. It's not in our anatomy. And yet we've been conditioned to think that. And it just blows my mind. I'm unlearning every day.

And I find that brings me love and joy and attractiveness or makes me feel gratitude for life. And then starts to feel like a gift and a life force energy. That's what working out should be. That's what breaking that sweat should be. You're taking care of your body so that you can lift your baby. I also teach for barre3 and I love the idea of functional fitness too. It's just my favorite.

Again, there's a lot of moms in that company or around me in that company and it's like lifting up your child, you know? Don't you wanna be able to bend over and do that? So yeah, let's train for that. And I'm always in the back like, “I'll pick up my cat. It'll be great.” And mad respect for people having babies. So fun. I think there's the functionality of fitness, the science behind fitness. Everybody being so unique that we could all do the same workout every day, eat the same thing and we're all gonna look different. We're just all gonna fit a pair of jeans differently. And if we have the same diet and same workout routine. So finding really what actually brings you joy. 

I don't think working out should ever be a punishment.I can understand it being a drive for a quality of life that you really want to live. And that sometimes does have to come with that discipline and that drive and a little bit of pushing yourself. But I know you've mentioned to me something you liked about what I talked about in class, which is the idea of checking in with your capacity that day. And if you can check in, if you can get it, be it intuition or hands on your body or just sitting there for two seconds, really asking yourself if you want to do the workout. And then if you get a yes, go to that spin class, go to that Barry's class, lift those weights, do that thing when that yes is loud. But 70% of the time that yes is not that loud.

It's tired, it's hungry, it needs food, it needs water, it needs rest. We have to do that. And I think rest is sometimes more needed for our bodies, for our nervous systems. Something else I did to myself and I watch many, many, many hundreds of clients do this themselves as well is wanting to take cardio classes to lose weight. And they'll stack them on, do doubles of spin classes or whatever it is. 

When our bodies are not in a nervous system state that's ‘rest and digest,’ when we're in fight or flight, and we're throwing in cardio in that, our body's like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.I need to stay safe. And now I'm freaking out." If we're restricting our diet as well, the body then will be like, "I need to stay safe. Let me keep these calories." It starts to hoard it all. 

Again, I love cardio. I love that kind of movement. But when we're seeing people come in day after day after day, because they want to just lose weight, you're freaking out your nervous system a little bit more. And so actually more people, when they find more time to rest and add in a little bit of cardio for cardiovascular health, strength training for bone density and for muscle building, they will, if their goal was to lose weight, see that as a result because their body will start to feel safer. You'll be able to eat more, because your body will say, "Oh, now I know what to do with these calories. Cool. Gimme more!" And watch that happen. 

And you know, I look at me for 10 years and the way that I thought I needed to lose weight and I was so sick and unhealthy. I look at celebrating people coming to my cardio classes seven days a week. And it's like, again, if I could go back and just hug everyone. And then those that also said to me, "You look thin, you look great. Did you lose weight?" And just be like, "No." Together we're gonna gain weight. We're gonna be happier and healthier and feel as good as we can. That's my dream.

Dr. Whitney: Oh my goodness. Okay. I feel like there's gonna be people crying right now just listening to this. I hope so. I feel like that is such gold right there, because I think most people operate in a way that's completely opposite to that. They think that if I am not getting the results I need, what I need to do is push harder. If I'm not getting it in the way I want, if I'm not losing the weight, if I'm not looking the way I want to, what I need to do is keep, again, punishing myself. Keep on thinking that there must be something wrong with me. As opposed to, if we honor ourselves, if we honor our bodies, if we honor the rest we need, being able to be more successful in the end. 

And actually, I don't mean successful in terms of weight loss, although I think that is obviously true. But I think more successful in terms of being a more whole person, right? Being a person who's happier in your own body, who's more content with who you are. And again, like you, I am still a work in progress. I don't think any woman in the United States of America hardly anyone that I've met feels that way. And yet we can keep on doing the work of honoring ourselves. 

Rachael, thank you so, so much for being on the podcast. It was amazing to have you. Tell people where they can find out more about you if they wanna work with you, if they wanna do stuff on the fitness realm or any other things. Tell them where you are.

Rachael: Well, right now I'm redoing almost everything in my life, which I'm really pumped about. With taking this break and eliminating those distractions, you're able to let the truth come through. And I was like, "Oh wow. There's a lot to change." But right now I'm just on Instagram at @RachaelBr00ke, it gets a little confusing 'cause it's Rachael A-E-L and then B-R-zero-zero-K-E for Brooke. So that's the main way. I do work with clients. I call it personal training, but it's way more than that. We get to do so many other things. And I do digital for Barre3. So I have a lot of cardio workouts on the Barre3 digital app, which I adore. And they're amazing cardio workouts to do when your body's calling you to do it.

And then, of course, Burn Cycle in person. And I teach all over at many different places. Sometimes retreats, sometimes hotels. And that can be fun too, to follow along. Thank you so much for having me. I really, really appreciate it and everything I'm talking about and teaching right now. I'm so excited for this new wave and generation for all of us. We all deserve to feel so beautiful and so good in our bodies and so happy and be holistically, as in like W-H-O-L-E, like whole and healthy in so many ways. It's gonna take a lot of unlearning and a lot of re-identifying our personal standards of health and beauty and success. And there's no better time, I think than the chaos of motherhood and child rearing and your body changing and the lack of control that can come with the most beautiful experience of birth. What an amazing time to also let your life evolve as well, and your opinions evolve as well. And just take in that power of, "I am mother." That's life force energy and I think we're gonna change the world with all that. And if we're doing it in fitness too, that's awesome.

Dr. Whitney: Awesome. All right you guys, we're gonna put all the links in the show notes. Thank you again, Rachael.