About Our Guest:
Whitney Casares, MD, MPH, FAAP, is a practicing board-certified pediatrician, author, speaker, and full-time working mom. Dr. Whitney is a Stanford University-trained private practice physician whose expertise spans the public health, direct patient care, and media worlds. She holds a Master of Public Health in Maternal and Child Health from The University of California, Berkeley, and a Journalism degree from California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo. She is also CEO and Founder of Modern Mommy Doc and The Modern Mamas Club App.
Dr. Whitney advocates for the success of career-driven caregivers in all facets of their lives, guiding them toward increased focus, happiness, and effectiveness despite the systemic challenges and inherent biases that threaten to undermine them. She speaks nationally about her Centered Life Blueprint, which teaches working caregivers how to pay attention to what matters most amid pressure, at multibillion-dollar corporations like Adidas and Nike, and at executive-level conferences. She is a spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics and medical consultant for large-scale organizations, including Good Housekeeping magazine, Gerber, and L’Oreal (CeraVe). Her work has been featured in Forbes, Thrive Global, and TODAY Parenting. She is a regular contributor to Psychology Today.
Dr. Whitney practices medicine in Portland, Oregon, where she and her husband raise their two young daughters.
About the Episode:
In this episode, Dr. Whitney has a special guest, her youngest daughter Mireia. They talk about what it’s like to have a working mom, what it’s like to have a working mom advocate for her, how she feels it’s going in the Casares house, and Mireia even gives some feedback on Dr. Whitney’s new book,
Doing It All.
Episode Takeaways:
Excerpt from Doing It All: Stop Over-Functioning and Become the Woman and Person You Were Meant to Be from chapter 1, where we’re talking about your Centered Vision. It’s not about the goals you want to manifest in your life, but rather about in 5-10 years, who is the person you want to be? No matter what’s going on in your life, what do you want to define you? One of the things that I tell women to do before they figure that out is to figure out what brings them joy by looking back to previous moments in their lives that they had joy, even in small moments:
Getting Started: How to Visualize a Purposeful, Aligned Life
Before you start defining your Centered Vision, it’s useful to take a moment to remember and/or imagine what an aligned, purposeful life looks and feels like. The best way to do this is by casting your mind back to times in your current life when you already experienced this (even if only for a few brief moments). When I cast my mind back into the past, searching for those small moments of alignment and purpose, the first image that came to my mind looked like this:
I was snuggled up cozy on a snow day with Mireia and Makena in my queen bed. Miniature specks of snow gathered on the backyard lawn through the curtains— cheap, thin, white ones from Target that I bought on a clearance sale. Mireia was pretending like she was a baby about to be born. She hid under the comforter, her body a little scrumptious mound. I could feel the tiny crumbs of bagel she brought with her from the kitchen under my toes.
“Okay, Mama, say, ‘I wonder if my baby is going to come?’”
Makena piped in: “Yeah, Mama, I think my little sister is about to pop out! I bet she’ll be all gooey and hairy.” Her breath smelled like a mix of morning breath and cream cheese.
Mireia tooted, loud and long. Giggles erupted from the bottom-of-the-bed molehill.
“Shhhhh . . . Okay, okay,” I said, holding back my own chuckles. “Hmm, I can’t wait for my sweet, delicious, going-to-eat-her-toes-she’s-so-yummy newborn to pop out like a peanut.”
Her towhead emerged, and she leapt onto my chest.
“I’m here, I’m here, Mama! I arrived. Your fluffy chick baby!” she squealed. We dog-piled and laughed, and there, in my little nest, everything was right: Crumby, and morning-breathy, and right. There was peace, connection, laughter, and joy.
The second image that came to mind was a memory of Scott and me before the kids were born, on a spur-of-the-moment residency graduation trip to Pamplona, Spain. He wanted to run with the bulls. I was terrified he would die. He didn’t. We reveled in youthful invincibility, aware we were about to dive into real life as we finished graduate school, cognizant of impending adulting and incoming student loan payments. We danced to lyrics we couldn’t fully translate in open-air bars, drinking Kalimoxto, wine literally sloshing underfoot until two in the morning, just happy to be with each other. It was new and passionate and exciting. We’d never been to that city. We’d never done that new thing. We experienced adventure, pleasure, exploration, and joy.
In the third image, I was sitting with a new mom, holding her hands in my hands. She was cradling her eight-week-old infant and her three-year-old toddler in her arms. She was weeping, worried, overwhelmed, and tired. Something was not right with her baby—or maybe with her?
“How can I possibly do this?” she asked. “I am not cut out for this. I am not enough.”
“You are everything your child needs. You can, I promise.” I told her. “We will figure it out together.”
That brought me a sense of contribution, empathy, purpose, meaning, and joy. Now, it’s your turn.
Q&A Portion of the interview:
Dr. Whitney: What do you think of the fact that I write books that sometimes tell stories and show pictures of you, your sister, and our family?
Mireia: I think it’s a great way to show your love for our family.
Dr. Whitney: Do you remember that game we used to play where you would pretend to be my baby that was ready to come out? What did you like about it?
Mireia: I loved that every single time I came out, I could see your smile and laughter.
Dr. Whitney: I liked that we were all snuggled up close together. What’s your favorite time that we spend together?
Mireia: Probably Christmas. I like when you cuddled up with me last year on the 24th.
Dr. Whitney: What makes you feel most loved?
Mireia: When we’re cuddled up together.
Dr. Whitney: I think when we have our time that’s just you and I together, that’s when you like it the most. Do you think it’s more important what kind of time we spend together or how much time we spend together.
Mireia: How much time.
Dr. Whitney: Wrong! Just kidding. But answer me this, does it bug you when I’m distracted when we’re supposed to be spending time together? Like maybe I’m working on my computer or on my phone?
Mireia: What do you think?
Dr. Whitney: Straight from the horse’s mouth. I know it’s so irritating to you guys. Mireia is always good about reminding me “no phones!” or closing my computer when we’re supposed to be having time together. And I totally get it. It’s such a good reminder for both your dad and me. What would you tell moms to do to be the best moms that can be? And don’t say something like “buy your kids everything they want.”
Mireia: I won’t! Do the best you can do for them and provide as much as you can for them.
Dr. Whitney: That’s a good thing to say! Do you think that when you’re a mom…well, let me back up and ask, do you think you will want to be a mom someday?
Mireia: Yes
Dr. Whitney: I didn’t want to assume. When you become a mom, do you think you wanna work?
Mireia: Yes
Dr. Whitney: What do you think you want to do?
Mireia: Can I be anything? I think I want to do stunts.
Dr. Whitney: Ooooh like acrobat stunts? You would be great at that! Mireia is great with aerial acrobat stuff. They can’t see you but if they could, you could show them that you can do the splits. You’re awesome at that. Here’s my question, how are you going to do it all? If you’re going to be a mom and do your stunts and maybe have a job…
Mireia: I think I want to be a doctor too.
Dr. Whitney: Oh really? Okay! How are you going to do it all?
Mireia: I’m going to try my best at work and provide as much as I can.
Dr. Whitney: Do you think you’ll do this all with someone else or by yourself?
Mireia: With someone else.
Dr. Whitney: How do you make it so both of you guys help?
Mireia: Maybe to get my husband to work the exact same way I do.
Dr. Whitney: That’s a good plan. Okay what do we do in our family when I make a mistake? Well, first of all, do I ever make mistakes?
Mireia: Yes. Something that you do is cry and plead to us.
Dr. Whitney: Plead to you? What do you mean? Say more.
Mireia: Sometimes you cry and you tell us you’re sorry for what you’ve done.
Dr. Whitney: That’s true. Sometimes I do cry and tell you I’m sorry for what I’ve done, because I make mistakes all the time. It’s not a secret. That’s what I tell all the moms that are listening that that’s what they should do too. That if they make a mistake, they’ve got to say they’re sorry and that will help them out a bunch. What do we do in our family when you make a mistake?
Mireia: Say I’m sorry. Most families do that.
Dr. Whitney: Do we also say, “I love you” first?
Mireia: Yep.
Dr. Whitney: Okay, why do you think moms should buy Doing It All?
Mireia: It has a lot of good advice in it about parenting and being a working mom.
Dr. Whitney: You have been a part of Modern Mommy Doc basically since the day you were born or maybe since you were 6 months old. What do you think I do at Modern Mommy Doc?
Mireia: You try to get people to buy your book.
Dr. Whitney: HA! Well, I guess that’s true. But what do you think I do to try to help people? What’s the point of Modern Mommy Doc?
Mireia: To inform the readers of your book to help people being moms. Not that you guys need help. You’re doing a great job.
Dr. Whitney: No you’re right. It’s to help with being a mom, because lots of moms feel like they’re not doing a good job all the time. And they feel like they have to do all the things all the time. But what I heard you say is that you feel the most loved when it’s just you and me spending time with each other and being together. And that the rest of that stuff doesn’t really matter for being a mom.
Okay some pop questions for you to end things out. Rapid fire. What’s your favorite color?
Mireia: Purple.
Dr. Whitney: What’s your favorite toy?
Mireia: I like my LOL Doll.
Dr. Whitney: What’s your favorite holiday?
Mireia: Christmas, because we get to spend time together.
Dr. Whitney: What’s your favorite candy?
Mireia: Airheads!
Dr. Whitney: And if you could go anywhere in the entire world, where would you go and what would you do?
Mireia: Probably to Hawaii, just me and you. And I would snuggle you. And go shopping!
Dr. Whitney: Can’t forget that last part! Alright you guys, what I read from Doing It All with Miss Mireia here, who’s telling it like it is, was from chapter 1. The book is about 10 chapters long, not including the conclusion, and it starts with you trying to rediscover or redefine what you care about in your life, where do you want to spend your time, energy and focus. Then we go into what makes it really difficult to do that in the world. I could tell you what to do all day long, but you’re going to keep coming back to me and telling me that the world is against you and that makes it hard to do what you do.
Mireia: The world isn’t against me!
Dr. Whitney: I think sometimes moms think the world is against them.
Mireia: Well it’s not against me.
Dr. Whitney: Good! I’m so glad that you feel that way! That means we’re doing our job and making it better for girls!
The next part is all about the strategies for how to deal with all the stuff that shouldn’t define you, but you have to get done. We talk about the non-negotiables, all the stuff that just you have to do. We talk about the swappables, all the stuff that you can give to someone else to do–like you kids doing chores. Then we talk about how to specifically deal with your partner. Then we talk about the contaminators, all the junk in your house that clutters things up or the junk in your schedule.
Then we talk about the heartstrings…and there’s a special chapter that features Mireia called “Boundaries and Booby Snuggles.” And then we talk about how you’re able to take care of yourself in a real, deep enough way to be able to build a strong enough foundation to do all those things I just talked about. And there’s a section on where to start first. And there’s a section on actually parenting on what matters most.
The biggest thing about the book that I want to say is that it can be overwhelming to think of adding one more thing to your life that you’re trying to fix. This framework is designed to give some structure around stuff that you already do and think about all day long. And it’s really to give a nod to the fact that all of this stuff isn’t singular, it’s very complex and all requires complex solutions. And all of it takes practice. So it’s not about adding something else to your plate, it’s about helping you to take more off your plate. And helping you to be more intentional, thoughtful, and purposeful around the way you do it.
Okay, Mireia, is there anything else you want to say before we sign off?
Mireia: Peace out.
Dr. Whitney: Alright, bye you guys!
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- Why you’re overwhelmed at home
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I know first-hand that working mom life is hard, but I also know it doesn’t have to be impossible.
Trust me. The best way to get unstuck isn’t to work harder. It’s to use a framework that gets real results, no matter what area you need to tackle first.