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KIDS + PARENTING

RAISING CHILDREN | WHAT I'M DOING TO KEEP MY CHILDREN FROM BECOMING COMPLETE JERKS

 Modern Mommy Doc


PUBLICATION DATE:

December 22, 2017

RAISING CHILDREN | WHAT I'M DOING TO KEEP MY CHILDREN FROM BECOMING COMPLETE JERKS

 Modern Mommy Doc

CATEGORY: KIDS + PARENTING

It’s not looking good for my family’s gold star status chances today. One of my children is at the indoor play gym posturing for her position in line for the slide. The other is grabbing her sister’s toy out of her hands, seemingly oblivious to the shrieks of offense and horror coming from her sibling. Raising children is hard.


Cue pediatrician mom. I'm full of understanding about what’s normal at all kid ages and stages but I'm faced with the reality that MY kids are acting like complete jerks. And commence re-committing to the idea that, while perfectly-behaved kids are indeed totally overrated and totally unrealistic, it’s also my responsibility to not let them stay complete jerks their whole lives.


For me and my kids, preventing jerkdom means that, when they do act unkind or selfish, I try my best to use it as it as a learning and guiding opportunity.


Somehow, though, my authoritative parenting style (firm but loving, high expectations with consistent consequences, high level of emotional responsiveness) is often met by other parents with a lot of shock and negativity depending on the crowd.


I think it’s because, as a culture and as a generation, we’re having a hard time these days figuring out where to land on the parenting style spectrum. There’s a lot of talk about letting our kids work it out themselves, about being more hands off. While I agree that helicopter parenting is no good, I also know we can’t just let our kids run amuck.


Passive parenting is being super responsive and loving but having hardly any rules or expectations. It has its own major downfalls. Lord of the Flies didn’t turn out so well and neither will a candy shop full of tiny humans with a “me complex” left to their own devices. I’m sure your kids are perfect angels all the time but none of the other kids I’ve ever met are. Nope, the children I know need clear expectations and boundaries.


Now, can people take it too far with the whole rules and regulations thing? Can getting overly involved in every squabble hinder a kid’s ability to learn how to problem-solve on their own?


Absolutely. I’m not talking about holding your kid’s hand through every single social situation they encounter. I am saying, though, that it's our obligation to be explicit and consistent as we teach our kids values like compassion and kindness.


I’m also not saying that setting boundaries means we can’t use Positive Parenting to implement our “I Will Not Let You Become a Jerk” plan. In fact, looking at what’s behind the behavior your children exhibit (hunger, fatigue), you can guide your kids to make their own good choices. Giving realistic expectations beforehand when possible are all great tools for setting and enforcing boundaries. Tracy Cutchlow writes all about these positive parenting techniques in her book, Zero to Five.


As a pediatrician, I see my colleagues working tirelessly to impart balance in this area to the parents they meet. Encouraging parents to not be afraid TO PARENT. Almost needing to give permission to set a limit, set a boundary or set a consequence.


I’m not a perfect parent to my kids, by any means. Sometimes I look back on my parenting decisions with regret. It can be especially tricky to navigate when creating structure for a more sensitive, spirited son or daughter. Some kids, based on their temperament or personality, need more redirection or firm boundaries than others. But I do believe that passive parenting doesn’t do children any favors. And I believe that authoritarian (demanding or harsh) parenting tactics usually don’t turn out so well either. Like a bridge without rails, the path of life becomes more precarious without the security that comes from structure.


I’m trying hard to not let my kids become jerks. Even while I accept that sometimes they will be selfish and mean no matter how hard I (or they) try.


It’s our natural instinct to be selfish. Add in their limited self-regulation skills and their high sensitivity to hunger and fatigue. Now it feels like an uphill battle to get involved and hold them accountable. It’s worth it, though. In fact, their future friends, partners, and bosses all depend on the hard work we’re putting in now.


Want more? Check out our mommy self-care program here.


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ON THE PODCAST


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About the Episode: In this episode of the Modern Mommy Doc Podcast, Dr. Whitney sits down with Miyaeva Renae—full-time creator, business owner, and intentional mom—to talk about the real side of new motherhood. Miyaeva opens up about the anxiety and overwhelm she faced after having her son, Stetson, and the rituals that helped her navigate postpartum life with more calm and self-compassion. From calling on her mom and her village for support to learning the importance of asking her fiancé for breaks, she shares how she learned to prioritize her own mental health while caring for her baby. You’ll also hear: How social media both fuels perfectionism and provides unexpected mom-to-mom support. Why ASMR and organization videos became part of her “calm the chaos” toolkit. Her honest take on breastfeeding, weaning, and the bittersweet milestones of a first year. The behind-the-scenes of life as a creator—and why she’s shifting from picture-perfect posts to more authentic, supportive content for moms. The story behind her new clothing line, Every September, created to fill the gap for boy moms who want neutral, stylish mommy-and-me outfits. This conversation is equal parts refreshing and relatable—a reminder that no mom has it all together, and that sometimes the best gift we can give ourselves is permission to be real. Key Takeaways: Motherhood isn’t perfect—and that’s okay. Miyaeva shares how postpartum anxiety pushed her to let go of perfection and focus more on the present moment with her son. Support systems matter. Leaning on her mom, best friend, and fiancé helped her find calm during stressful moments. Self-care can be simple. From eye masks to slippers to a warm shower, Miyaeva shows that little rituals make a big difference in mental health. Authenticity over perfection. Social media can amplify pressure, but it can also create powerful connections when moms are honest about the highs and lows. New ventures come from lived experience. Her clothing line, Every September, was born from her own frustration as a boy mom looking for stylish, neutral mommy-and-me outfits. About Our Guest Miyaeva Renae is a full-time digital creator, entrepreneur, and mom to her one-year-old son, Stetson. Known for her organizing hacks, “day in the life” videos, and calming ASMR routines, she has built a supportive online community of moms who value honesty and relatability over perfection.  Beyond content creation, Miyaeva is the founder of Every September, a clothing brand designed to make mommy-and-me matching accessible and stylish—especially for boy moms. She’s passionate about helping moms feel seen, supported, and less alone in the messy, beautiful reality of parenthood. ✨ Follow Miyaeva: TikTok & YouTube: @miyaevrenae Instagram: @miyaeva Clothing Line: everyseptember.co Want to Start Raising Body-Confident Kids Today? 📘 Pre-order the Book Order your copy of My One-of-a-Kind Body before it launches on October 20, 2025. 👉 www.raisingbodyconfidentkids.com/books 🎁 Claim Your Free Bonus When you pre-order, you’ll also get access to a FREE video mini-course with five bite-sized lessons for parents. In just 25 minutes, you’ll walk away with: Simple, script-style ways to respond when your kid says, “I hate my thighs” How to talk about health without weight talk What to do when your own inner critic shows up How to interrupt diet culture at home The first step to raising a body-confident kid—even if you didn’t grow up as one 📩 Subscribe to The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast for more episodes on parenting with confidence and clarity. Leave a review using the hashtag #ModernMommyDoc.
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