About Our Guest:

Whitney Casares, MD, MPH, FAAP, is a practicing board-certified pediatrician, author, speaker, and full-time working mom. Dr. Whitney is a Stanford University-trained private practice physician whose expertise spans the public health, direct patient care, and media worlds. She holds a Master of Public Health in Maternal and Child Health from The University of California, Berkeley, and a Journalism degree from California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo. She is also CEO and Founder of Modern Mommy Doc.

Dr. Whitney advocates for the success of career-driven caregivers in all facets of their lives, guiding them toward increased focus, happiness, and effectiveness despite the systemic challenges and inherent biases that threaten to undermine them. She speaks nationally about her Centered Life Blueprint, which teaches working caregivers how to pay attention to what matters most amid pressure, at multibillion-dollar corporations like Adidas and Nike, and at executive-level conferences. She is a spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics and medical consultant for large-scale organizations, including Good Housekeeping magazine, Gerber, and L’Oreal (CeraVe). Her work has been featured in Forbes, Thrive Global, and TODAY Parenting. She is a regular contributor to Psychology Today.

Dr. Whitney practices medicine in Portland, Oregon, where she and her husband raise their two young daughters.

About the Episode:

In this episode, Dr. Whitney dives deep into why it’s so hard for women to hold their boundaries. We all know that boundaries are healthy, but it’s simply more difficult for women, especially moms, to set boundaries and keep them. This episode gives you practical tips on how to make it happen.

Episode Takeaways:

• In the workplace, it’s very common for the buzzword of the week to be boundaries. It’s often discussed how good it is for women to have boundaries and how it makes them stronger. But once the boundaries are set in place and enforced, there’s often a different tune. Women get labeled as too rigid, overbearing, and too controlling. This episode is about why it’s so hard for women to hold their boundaries.

• When we talk about women standing up for themselves in their home in regards to sharing the mental load, we’re really talking about setting boundaries. Without boundaries, they’re making sure everyone else is okay before they make sure they’re okay themselves. Without boundaries, you state your priorities and values, but do nothing when they aren’t honored.

• More often than not, women don’t hold those boundaries because they’re worried about the reaction of others. They’re worried about the way their partner will react if they hold their own boundary around their time or, even at work, how a boss might react and the consequences that could happen when they make and keep a boundary. They don’t want to be seen as aggressive. And they don’t want to deal with the anger that will inevitably come, so they just don’t set the boundary in the first place. 

• Even back in the 90s, studies showed that women are judged more harshly when they set and keep a boundary as opposed to men.

• How to stop the cycle of people pleasing and set and keep boundaries.
• Remember you are a role-model for your kids. We see when they model our behavior all the time, whether good or bad. So ask yourself, what can I show them now so that it’s easier and more comfortable for them to make and keep boundaries when they are older.

• Remember that things only change when you do things differently. Nothing changes if nothing changes. If you’re resentful because people are walking all over you and your time, it will continue in that same pattern until you make a change. And change causes friction.

• Remember that it’s human nature to resist change, so those that you are impressing the boundaries upon will naturally try to buck that and keep you in your old status or pattern. If they are happy with the status quo, they aren’t going to like the change. Address their feelings when you start the boundary and be willing to accept their feelings.

• Practice how you’re going to react to their anger or feelings. You have 3 options when you experience backlash. 1) Stand your ground and reaffirm your boundaries. 2) Compromise 3) Let it go and realize they might not be capable of reacting how you’d like them to.
  

More Blogs on this Topic:

• Three steps to setting (and keeping) a healthy boundary
• 8 signs you might have a problem with boundaries
• Working mom’s guide to the holidays: family coming to town
  
  

More Podcast Episodes on this Topic:

• How boundaries will change the way you think about motherhood
• How to have healthy relationships (and boundaries!) with your parents and in-laws
• Why don’t we set (and keep) boundaries?