Melissa is a high-powered surgeon in New York City. She handles some of the most complicated cancer cases in the country. She's up at 5 am most mornings. She performs high-stress procedures day in and day out. Most of the time, things go swimmingly. Every once in a great while, they don't. Even on the best days, her patients take a lot out of her -- they require the kind of fastidious attention and care that only someone with complete dedication can offer. 

A Mom and a Professional 

Melissa is also a mom to two kids—one she had just before starting medical school 15 years ago and one she had just before starting her three-year gynecology residency training program. For their entire lives, she has been juggling their needs, her career, and attempts at taking good care of herself. 

As a newborn, one of her kiddos was colicky, especially at night -- a temperament that does not fit well with an already demanding daytime schedule. As a toddler, the other was demanding and picky, throwing tantrums whenever she was home and making weekends miserable. Now that they're older, there are new issues to battle: first crushes, the drama of tween friendships, the roller coaster of hormone-driven emotions. 

Dealing With Stress

This seasoned mama has had a lot of stress throughout her motherhood experience—or at least a lot of opportunities for stress. When you talk to her about it directly, though, that's not what she's focused on. She's focused on making sure she takes care of herself REALLY well no matter what's happening around her and what obstacles she encounters.

"I don't care how busy I am or how rough my day is. I find at least twenty minutes per day to just waste time, to do something purposefully unproductive.”

Let me be clear: being a hustler is nothing to be ashamed of. I am a tried and true, work my tail to the bone, stay up all night ’til the book is finished kind of girl. It’s in my blood. That drive and work ethic got me through medical school and led me to triple time it as a small business owner while I raised two small children and worked full-time doctoring. It took steely determination to get all that done and it also took a lot of focused hoursworking. I wouldn’t trade in all that working even if I could because it got me to where I am today. This is not about slacking off, this is about pacing yourself. 

Tactical Solutions 

“I choose having lunch with a colleague in the park when the weather is good as opposed to sitting at my desk working on charting patient progress notes,” Melissa says. “I walk to work instead of taking the cab my company pays for—even if it takes more time to get there. I don't fill my spare moments with errands. Not every part of my life is rosy and happy. I deal with a lot of disappointment and anger at my job. The trick is not to make the bad stuff or the busying stuff go away. The trick is to learn to enjoy life even when the bad stuff and all your to-dos seems to pile up around you."

She takes it even further: "I’ve found that I just can’t take care of myself or the other people in my life—my kids, my husband, my patients—well if I am running from thing to thing, never enjoying, never seeing life for what it is: fleeting moments that I can never get back. I have to take the time to enjoy life when I can if I want to enjoy life at all.”

Can You Learn to Enjoy?

Maybe you don’t have the type of hectic life Melissa does all the time, but I’m sure you have hectic moments. We all do. Having a baby or a toddler can be one of the most chaotic times of your life, a season where everything feels hard and out of your control. 

So, slow it down, mama. Think about enjoying versus multitasking during “free time.” 

When you have time to yourself for yourself, don't contaminate it, as author Jancee Dunn points out in her book, How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids, with chores and errands. Take a moment—even if it’s just five minutes—to refocus in the middle of the day.

Don't confuse work with "you time." Work is work. It can feel like taking extra time away from your family once you've finished clocking a full day of hours at the office is frivolous and selfish. It's not. Make a self-care plan you'll stick with so you can work in a little time to reconnect to yourself throughout the week. 

Decide you're going to let go of the extra things that stress you out (aka making a huge Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner for your family and slaving away in the kitchen so it will be Pinterest-worthy). If it serves you to entertain and to create around the holidays, do it. If it doesn't, either delegate it or forget about it altogether. 

THE HONEST TRUTH:

LIFE IS MEANT TO BE

ENJOYED AND THAT SHOULD

NOT CHANGE JUST BECAUSE

YOU BECOME A MOTHER.



You deserve and you need moments to yourself and moments for enjoyment. Your kids, your partner, your mental health -- they'll all benefit if you're intentional about prioritizing slowing down and taking a minute to catch your breath.