When I was a young pediatrician, fresh out of residency, I had a vision of my life. It was a perfectly manicured dream. I pictured myself floating through my days, balancing my career and family effortlessly, with a house that stayed clean, kids who ate all their veggies, and a partner who handled his share of the load without me needing to ask.
Everything would be perfectly in place, and I’d be nailing it in every single area. But here’s the thing: that vision was a fantasy. It wasn’t my real dream. It wasn’t even my life—it was a mishmash of societal expectations, Instagram filters, and someone else’s highlight reel. It took me years of frustration, burnout, and resentment before I realized I didn’t want that life. I wanted something much simpler, something grounded in who I am and what I truly value.
Ditch the Fantasy: Why Society's Dream is Killing Your Joy
Let’s get something out of the way: chasing after a picture-perfect life will burn you out. I know because I tried it. And even when I achieved some version of it—on the outside, at least—I was still exhausted, unhappy, and left wondering why I felt so unfulfilled. The problem wasn’t that I wasn’t good enough; the problem was that I was pursuing the wrong goals.
Society has taught us to equate success with busy schedules, spotless homes, and Pinterest-worthy lives. But those aren’t universal measures of success—they’re arbitrary standards set by a culture obsessed with productivity and perfection. If you feel like you’re always behind or like no matter how hard you work, it’s never enough, it’s because you’re chasing someone else’s version of success.
The first step in breaking free from this cycle is to get real about what you really want. Not what you think you should want. Not what your friends want. Not what your social media feed tells you to want. What you want.
What Makes Your Heart Sing?
Take a minute. Close your eyes. Think back to a moment in your life when you felt totally at peace. A time when everything felt right, even if just for a brief moment. What were you doing? Who were you with? Where were you? What feelings come up when you recall that memory?
This exercise isn’t just about reminiscing; it’s about discovering what brings you joy and fulfillment. Often, the life we really want is simpler than the life we think we should have. Maybe your moment of joy happened while you were sipping coffee in a quiet house before the kids woke up, or maybe it was during an impromptu weekend adventure with your family. These moments can offer profound insights into what we truly value.
Once you identify these moments, take note of the themes that emerge. Do you value connection over achievement? Do you crave peace and simplicity more than a full schedule? Understanding these desires is crucial to building a life that reflects your true vision—not someone else’s.
Realigning Your Life with Your Values
Now that you’ve identified what truly matters to you, it’s time to make some changes. This isn’t about turning your life upside down overnight—it’s about small, intentional shifts that will help you build a life rooted in your values.
Start by asking yourself these questions:
- What can I let go of that doesn’t align with my values?
- What small changes can I make to bring more joy into my daily life?
- How can I rearrange my schedule to prioritize the things that matter most to me?
For example, if you find that connection with your kids is a top value, but your schedule is too packed to spend quality time with them, something has to give. Maybe that means saying no to an extra work project, letting go of the idea that your house needs to be spotless, or scheduling specific times each day for uninterrupted family time.
This process of realignment is continuous. You’ll need to check in with yourself regularly, ask these questions, and make adjustments as needed. But the more you practice aligning your life with your values, the easier it will become.
The Power of Saying No
One of the hardest but most freeing lessons I’ve learned is that saying no is a superpower. Every time you say yes to something that doesn’t align with your values, you’re saying no to something that does. It’s as simple—and as complicated—as that.
If you’re constantly saying yes to things that don’t serve you, whether it’s out of obligation, guilt, or the desire to please others, you’ll never have enough time or energy for the things that matter most. So start practicing the art of saying no. No to overcommitting. No to doing things just because you feel like you should. No to perfectionism.
Instead, say yes to rest. Yes to presence. Yes to the things that fill you up and leave you feeling fulfilled, rather than drained.
Creating Your Centered Vision
Once you’ve started saying no to the things that don’t align with your values, you can create space for what does. This is where your Centered Vision comes in. It’s your roadmap for living a life that’s in harmony with your values.
Your Centered Vision is a detailed picture of what your life would look like if it aligned with your deepest values. It’s not about manifesting a perfect life, but about creating a life that feels purposeful and aligned with what truly matters to you. It could be as simple as having more time for family dinners, more energy for self-care, or more space in your day for creative pursuits.
Small Steps, Big Changes
Remember, this process is about progress, not perfection. You don’t need to overhaul your entire life in one go. Start with small, manageable changes. Maybe you’ll block out 30 minutes each morning for quiet time before the day gets hectic. Or perhaps you’ll commit to one evening a week of uninterrupted family time. These small steps add up, and over time, they will lead to big changes.
As you work on building a life that aligns with your Centered Vision, you’ll find that you’re not just surviving—you’re thriving. You’ll have more energy, more joy, and more fulfillment because you’re living a life that’s true to you, not a life dictated by external expectations.
Final Thoughts
At the end of the day, the life you really want is the one that aligns with your values, not society’s checklist. It’s a life that feels authentic, purposeful, and full of the things that bring you joy. By creating your Centered Vision and realigning your life with your values, you’ll break free from the pressures of doing it all and start living a life that’s genuinely fulfilling.
It’s time to stop chasing someone else’s dream and start living your own. Trust me, it’s worth it.
