About Our Guest:
Lori Sugarman-Li believes deeply in the power of families and is a passionate voice in the cultural shift aiming to articulate the value and visibility of unpaid work. Her career as a Communications Strategist, combined with a decade devoted to full-time care of her family, community, and children's charities worldwide, served as the inspirational backdrop for her professional relaunch as a Coach, Speaker, and Author. She is dedicated to fostering meaningful conversations within families, encouraging them to contemplate how they care for one another and their shared space. Lori, her husband, and two sons are Canadian-born and live steps from Lake Michigan in Chicago. Her most recent book is Our Home: The Love, Work, and Heart of Family,
About the Episode:
Dr. Whitney talks with Lori-Sugarman-Li, author of
Our Home: The Love, Work, and Heart of Family,
about helping our kids understand the value of contributing to the mental load of home care—and getting them to actually do all those chores on their chore lists.
Episode Takeaways:
- Lori had a 15 year career in marketing strategy, but when her kids were born, she hit pause on that and focused on what she could do while she was still at home with her little ones. When she was denied a disability claim because they said there was no “loss” since she didn’t make any income, it opened her eyes to the undervaluing of unpaid work. She wanted to make a change, but didn’t feel like she could do it at the highest level of governmental policy change, so she created a business that allowed her to talk to kids, so that they could make change in homes.
- It will take an average of 92 years for us to see societal change in this area of equal work in the home. And because women are the drivers of the movement, it becomes one more thing that women have to add to our list to accomplish. So the best way to start is in your home and to invite children into this conversation. This builds resilience in kids by allowing teamwork and ownership of tasks.
- Practical ways you can get your kids to help at home:
- Change the energy around the tasks. When we call them chores, we are already starting an attitude of menial, tedious tasks. Instead, we can focus on the fact that these are really works of gratitude for all the things we have. When we show them that we hate chores, they’ll hate chores.
- Change the attitude from “because I said so” to “let me show you how and do this together.” It’s a huge opportunity for education and connection. When we teach that we have to do the things we have to do in order to do the things we want to do, this then puts work around the house in the category of things that we don’t want to do. Invite kids into the jobs and show them the expectations of what their day will look like BEFORE it’s time to do the tasks.
- Give your kids context of why you’re doing the things. It will help them buy-in, so that they actually understand how it all affects them and their family. Then that sense of pride can really come in for them taking ownership in their tasks.
- Decide as a family what tasks are valuable to you. What is important to you and what makes the most sense for your family? And then match the kids with tasks that make the most sense with who they are, what they’re good at, or with the way they’re wired.
- Lori’s book is called Our Home: The Love, Work, and Heart of Family and is written to kids about the power of families, how we care for one another and the space that we share. The book helps kids:
- Remember the small things, like pancakes in the kitchen or family movie night, that make our homes so special.
- See that those types of things don’t just magically happen–there’s a lot of work that goes into making those happen and sheds some illumination on the scope of work that allows all of that to go on.
- Understand that they’re already doing a lot to make their home special and brings up the question if they could do more.
- Feel empowered with the idea that they can be amazing contributors to your family and the amazing space you share.
- Ways to connect with Lori:
- Instagram: @ourhomeourpride
- Website: ourhomeourpride.com
More Blogs on this Topic:
- Why you’re overwhelmed at home
- All I want for Christmas if for you to do more around the house
- Why working moms are exhausted all the time
More Podcast Episodes on this Topic:
- Do you have the tools you need to make equity happen in your household?
- You can’t just share the mental load with your partner; you really do need a village
- How to expand the ownership of responsibilities in your home
About the Episode: There’s so much parenting advice out there, and most of it doesn’t matter nearly as much as the internet wants you to think. (Seed oils? We have bigger fish to fry.) In this solo episode, Dr. Whitney gets back to basics and shares the six evidence-based parenting principles she focuses on as a pediatrician, the ones she dug into with a leading child development researcher. She also shares how these play out in real life as a mom of two neurodivergent kids, because guidance only helps if it actually fits your family. Key takeaways: Be sensitive and responsive. Simple practices like mirroring your child’s emotions and “serve and return” interactions build a loving, trusting foundation. Dr. Whitney shares how a Halloween decorating session turned into a deep conversation about religion once she slowed down and got curious. Meet kids where they are, especially at their worst. Drawing on Tina Payne Bryson, co-author of The Whole-Brain Child , Dr. Whitney explains that soothing a meltdown isn’t giving in. It’s letting your child know they’re not alone in a big feeling. Model self-regulation, and repair when you lose it. Self-regulation predicts academic success better than IQ. The goal isn’t staying calm all the time, it’s understanding why you got dysregulated, coming back to baseline, and offering yourself some self-compassion. Set limits for your kids and yourself. Every child’s needs are different (screen time affects Dr. Whitney’s two daughters very differently), but all kids need limits, and so do parents. Taking time for yourself models something healthy. Aim for authoritative, not permissive. High expectations paired with warmth and grace is the sweet spot. “Gentle parenting” can blur into permissiveness, which research shows is as harmful as authoritarian parenting. Protect unstructured time. Kids need boredom and free play to become self-directed. For ADHD and autistic kids, Dr. Whitney recommends offering a few options and letting kids choose. Support internal motivation. Using a “mirrors facing outward” image from her own therapist, Dr. Whitney explains why we want kids to trust their own instincts rather than constantly look outward for approval. Want to Start Raising Body-Confident Kids Today? 📘 Order the Books Raising Body-Confident Kids If you've ever caught yourself saying something to your kid about their body that sounded exactly like what your mother said to you, this book is for you. Raising Body-Confident Kids is a research-backed, judgment-free guide for parents who want to break the cycle of diet culture and body shame without swinging into toxic positivity or giving up all structure around food and movement. It answers the real questions parents are actually asking about Ozempic, about picky eaters, about what to say when your kid is being bullied for their body, and about social media influences. This is a practical, values-based game plan you can actually use, even if your own relationship with your body is still a work in progress. My One-of-a-Kind Body My One-of-a-Kind Body gives kids the language and understanding they need to care for their bodies with respect without fear, shame, or appearance-based messaging. Through inclusive illustrations and evidence-based health education, the book teaches body literacy, boundaries, and self-trust in a way kids can actually grasp. 👉 www.raisingbodyconfidentkids.com/books
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