5…4…3…2…1…HAPPY NEW YEAR!
And just like that, I’m now a brand new person who won’t eat the second brownie when she’s anxious or sad, who won’t yell at her kids, and who will journal for 30 minutes every single morning. Pretty weird that the clock striking midnight has such incredible power over us, isn’t it?
That’s obviously not how it works.
I mean, it’d be a lot easier if it did.
But this is the kind of backwards thinking we hear all about this time of year. All the things other people have told us are worthwhile to accomplish are goals we feel compelled to crush. But just throwing out that you’re gonna read a book every week because you saw somebody on Instagram do it doesn’t mean you’re anywhere closer to making that happen.
What most goals and New Year’s resolutions are lacking is any connection to who you are. Any intrinsic motivation and value.
Reading that many books sounds like a great thing to do. But what if your job means early mornings and busy days until you pick your kids up, and then rushing home for dinner before practices? And the first time all day you haven’t been responsible for something or someone else is seconds before your head hits the pillow.
Doesn’t sound like a recipe for some deep reading to me. And it won’t be, because it clearly doesn’t align with the life you’ve created for yourself.
New Year’s resolutions shouldn’t be about setting specific goals around what you’ll accomplish, but rather who you’ll be and how you want to exist.
Your goals need to be connected to what’s most important to you: your priorities and your values. They need to center around what your life would look like if it were aligned with what mattered most to you. Why? Because when you understand what you care about the most, you can be more intentional about focusing more of your time, energy, and attention on those endeavors, just like Stephen Covey talks about in his book, First Things First. At Modern Mommy Doc, we call the five most important priorities + values in your life The Center Points. In my new book, Doing it All, I walk moms through exactly how to define what those center points are.
Circumstances WILL get in the way.
I'm a mom to a 10-year-old daughter with autism. Her diagnosis affects the way my family functions every single day, but some days (namely if she is tired, stressed, or out of her routine) it outright demolishes any plans we’ve made. When Portland Public School teachers went on strike for a month in November, for example, we were in full-on survival mode. Blog articles weren’t written. Non-essential emails went unanswered. Even if I’d committed to starting a new business venture, it would NOT have happened while I tried to manage my child’s irritability and anxiety. Leaning into radical acceptance about the circumstances you can’t change, or that will be slower to change than you want them to be, is one of the most important skills a mom can learn.
The only resolutions that will stick are the ones that are based on meeting your true needs.
Let’s look at the number one New Year’s resolution topping a majority of lists: weight loss. First, is it weight loss you really want (and if so, why?) or is it to be healthier? If you’re choosing to adopt healthier habits like eating foods that will give you more energy, or moving your body for better joint health, that’s one thing. If you’re succumbing to society’s pressure to be rail thin, though, that’s quite another (by the way, most of us have been there, so take heart, mama. It’s a very messed up, complicated world when it comes to body love). That desire for thinness comes from outside of you, not from your truest self. And even if you do lose the weight, you probably won’t keep it off, or be any happier when you do.
What to do when you feel like you’re consistently not showing up as your best self and want a change.
- Re-evaluate your values and the activities that bring you joy and energy – these are your priorities (aka your Center Points). This may feel like a heavy lift but investing time auditing how you currently spend your time and energy vs how you want to always pays dividends long term.
Discover strategies for the rest of the to-dos in your life that need to get done but shouldn’t define you. At Modern Mommy Doc, I break these into four categories: the Non-Negotiables, the Swappables, the Contaminators, and the Heartstrings.
The Non-Negotiables:
Tasks you have to get done that only you can do.
The Swappables:
Tasks that others could and should do for you.
The Contaminators:
Tasks or things that clutter your calendar or environment.
The Heartstrings: Tasks you want to do but that, if you give too much of yourself to without healthy boundaries, will ultimately deplete you.
Lean HARD into knowing who you are and taking care of yourself. That means accepting the parts of yourself that you can’t change, honoring your deepest needs, and giving yourself compassion when you mess up, get stuck, or feel lost as a working mom.
Practice, practice, practice. Use this Centered Life Blueprint framework as a North Star you can come back to again and again.
I write about all of these and more in my upcoming book,
Doing it All. I can’t wait to share it with you just as the New Year gets underway. Make sure you don’t miss out on the pre-order bonuses we have going right now, too. They include a FREE 1:1 Consultation with me to start you out on the right path from January 1.
