Search results for 'partner' (45)
Raising confident kids starts in the....kitchen?! Yep, you heard that right.
Feel like nothing's fair between you and your partner? Here's where to start.
Proven strategies for breaking the cycle of fight. rinse. repeat.
I'm sick of doing it all. Aren't you?
How does equity really happen?
Time to let it go, Mama.
All that guilt isn't doing you any good.
Are you living YOUR working mom life, or trying to live someone else's?
Drs. Twogood and Quimby answer ALL the questions you have about women's health and sexual wellness.
Sneak peek of Chapter 4 from Doing it All!
Sneak Peak of Chapter 3 from Doing it All!
Sneak Peek at Chapter 2 of Doing it All: Stop Over-Functioning and Become the Mom and Person You're Meant to Be
Sneak Peak from Chapter 1 of Doing it All!
Do our partners really need more education about how to share the mental load? Or do they need more willingness?
I don't want anything fancy this Christmas....just my partner to act like one. Is that too much to ask?
Dr. Whitney is joined by Kelly Hubbell, founder and SEO of Sage House, an online platform designed for moms who want to really value their time and make the most of the hours in their days.
Building more equity in your parenting partnership, one step at a time.
February 14th. The Day for Lovers. Valentine’s Day. Okay that second one made me throw up a little bit. Whenever I hear that word, I just picture Jennifer Grey in that scene in Dirty Dancing and it’s just weird. Regardless of what you call it, it’s here. And I think most people are pretty split on their feelings about the day. People either really get into it, don’t care about it at all, or there’s the third category of people (and I’d venture to say that most of these are women) that act like they don’t care about it, but get their feelings hurt each year when it didn’t go like they actually pictured it. If you and your partner are both on the same page, giving each other the same level of thoughtfulness when it comes to gifts (one of you didn’t go kinky lingerie and one got a set of chip clips) AND are on the same level of romance when it comes to sex, then you’re the magical unicorn of couples and we all tip our hats to you. OR if you and your partner BOTH don’t REEEEEALLY care (not that fake indifference) about the day, then enjoy your very normal day on Tuesday. More than likely, though, there’s a discrepancy between how you and your partner feel. One has high hopes and expectations, one doesn’t even know the holiday is coming up. One dreams of breakfast in bed, while one wants a quick handy before the kids get up. I realize that’s taboo to say out loud, but I’m just being real. Ha! If you want to reclaim Valentine’s Day and make it a day that is actually enjoyable, I’ve got three tips for you. Clear communication with your spouse or partner. Once again, this is my go-to, because it can make everything so much easier on everyone. If when you were dating, you told your boyfriend that you don’t really get into Valentine’s Day, because that’s what you thought he wanted to hear, but then when you got married he didn’t flip a switch and automatically shower you with roses, then that’s on you. #sorrynotsorry Most of the expectations we put on our partners are ones that they’re completely unaware of, so it’s really unfair for us to assume they’ll meet them. If you actually love all the romantics of the day, don’t tell them that you’re just happy with having dinner together. Because that’s probably something you do very often, and you’re just asking for disappointment. Same thing goes for sexy time. Clear communication will be the real winner here. It’s unfair for moms to work all day long (in or out of the home), cook dinner when they get home, do all the homework help, do bathtime, get the kids down, and then to have to snap her fingers and all of a sudden be super turned on. But if you have the conversation to say that, yes, you’re really excited to connect with your partner after the kids go to bed, but what would really help you be able to relax so you could get in the mood is for your partner to take X, Y, and Z off your plate. Trust me, they’ll be doing those dishes with a happy heart 🤣 Remove the pressure from the day. Nothing is a bigger libido killer than unmet expectations and heaping amounts of pressure. If you both have really packed schedules that day, make plans to connect during the weekend. If one of you (genuinely) has a headache, schedule in some afternoon delight the next day. Don’t let the date on the calendar dictate the way you feel in your relationship. But, again, make sure any and all expectations of future together time are very clearly communicated from both sides. Even for gifts, allow both of you the freedom to give gifts that make the other person feel special and appreciated–it doesn’t have to be a huge romantic gesture. The goal is for each of you to feel loved. Be your own Valentine. This is in no way encouraging you to be passive aggressive, so stay with me on this one. Think about what would make you feel amazing that day. Fresh flowers? A pedicure? An orgasm? Go buy yourself flowers and have them out. If your partner asks, you don’t need to respond with, “I figured I wasn’t getting any from anyone else, so I got some,” Instead, you can say, “Don’t they look pretty? I saw them at the store and they made me happy.” Go get a pedicure because it relaxes you and makes you feel beautiful. And I’m sure your husband won’t be sad when your soft feet rub up on him later. Plus, both of these are helpful hints for them the next year! Break out the vibrator earlier that day. I’m not saying anything hidden from your partner, but a frisky text of, “There’s something about today that just gets me going. Thought I’d start the fun early,” reeeeeally sets the tone for the day. You get to be in charge of your pleasure, but you’r  e inviting them into your moment, and then later on, you’ll be a little bit more open if Valentine’s Day actually means that your jaw hurts the next day (wink wink). Valentine’s Day can be REALLY fun, but only if you relax and focus on making both you and your partner feel loved and cared for. What would it mean to shift your perspective with a new attitude? What would your day look like?
When you get married, everyone has an idyllic picture of what their life will look like. Most people think of the dinners together, the sleepy Saturday mornings, and lots of sex. We all assume that the fights over money, housework, and whose turn it is to go rock the crying baby will never enter the threshold of OUR home. That happens to THOSE people. Who aren’t as madly in love as we are. And even if those disagreements did creep in, they’d be talked about in a mutually respectful manner where both sides feel seen and validated. And the makeup sex would be fierce. (insert uncontrollable giggling) That’s what everyone’s marriage looks like, right? There’s not the underlying tone in every argument of whose day was harder. Or who’s doing more of the work. Or whose mother is more intrusive. Marriage is HARD. Even the healthiest and strongest of marriages take lots of work. ALL the time. Because it’s one flawed human being who’s raising other flawed human beings with another flawed human being. It’s kind of a recipe for disaster if we aren’t always trying to better ourselves and our relationship. One of the biggest silent killers of a healthy relationship is resentment–where one partner feels they’re being treated unfairly by the other. And, believe me, when left untreated, it can create huge holes that you have to climb out of. That are much bigger than the original offense. Before we can get to the root in order to address it, we first have to even be aware that that’s how we’re feeling. It can often be really difficult to spot and can mask itself with a lot of other emotions–and we end up acting out of those emotions, none the wiser that it stemmed from resentment. Here’s a few signs you might be feeling resentful towards your partner: You experience negative thoughts on a regular, recurring basis about your partner. I’m not just talking about being annoyed because they didn’t take the trash out or loaded the dishwasher wrong. I’m referring to times when you’re really even having a hard time finding any positive qualities about them. Or when you’re brought back to that same thought about them, again and again. You keep replaying a conversation or situation between the two of you. Especially if it’s essentially been deemed resolved in your relationship, if you’re having a lot of trouble moving on, chances are, you feel like you didn’t get to speak your mind or weren’t clearly heard. And when this happens repeatedly, resentment grows. You find yourself not wanting to be close, physically or emotionally. Hugs used to be your love language, and now you don’t want to be touched. Normally, you really appreciate opening up to him in conversation, and now you’re avoiding it. You’re pulling away because you don’t like how it feels to be close. So what do you do if you’re feeling resentful towards your partner? The first step towards restoration is getting to the root of WHERE the resentment is coming from. Can you pinpoint a situation, discussion, or event where you first started feeling this way? This is so key in order to move forward because you can’t expect your partner to apologize or change things in the future if they don’t know (or you don’t know!) exactly what you’re upset about. Next, you’ve gotta give your partner and yourself lots of grace. People are going to mess this up. I’m not even talking about the actual injustice, necessarily. People mess up this part of making things better. Which can lead to more conflict! But when you can remember that, again, we’re all just flawed human beings doing our best, you’ll be able to move forward much quicker and are way more likely to be able to show some empathy, rather than holding it over their head for years to come. Lastly, have that hard conversation. As much as you can, try to use those tried and true “When you _, I feel _.” statements. Be as clear as you can without diving into the “you always” or “you never” games. And pick your timing for that conversation wisely. Right before bed or right after they get home is probably not going to give you the best shot for both of your minds being ready to tackle it. How can you prevent resentment from creeping in in the first place? The number one way to keep resentment at bay is open communication. (I know, your mind is blown that I just offered you this brand new, never heard of before piece of advice for relationships.) But there’s a reason why there’s hundreds and hundreds of books written about the topic: IT’S A BIG DEAL. When you let things fester, what would have been a simple conversation, turns into a huge argument. When your feelings are hurt, tell them. Don’t allow a miscommunication to create a divide in your marriage–one where other voices can easily work their way in. Keeping a relationship healthy year after year requires sacrifice and hard work. But doing preventative work like THIS can make it juuuuust that much easier. You've got this, mama! For help with intimacy and parenting in Partnership, download the Modern Mamas Club App to get access to the Parenting in Partnership Daily Dose Guided Lessons so you and your partner can get back on track and enjoy each other again.
Let me be clear, I hate the back to school avalanche of papers that have to be filled out. Like HATE, hate. I hate that we have to fill out the same information on a bunch of different forms. I hate that I know some of these will be looked at once and tossed. I hate that it’s someone’s job to put these forms into a computer when we could have just done it in the first place and saved both of us time. I hate it. And for years, I filled them all out every back-to-school season by myself and I was miserable every second of it (and yeah, I know I could “choose joy” in the moment, but I did not, in fact, choose joy 😀) It wasn’t until I had a very honest conversation with my husband Scott that things changed. Moms are FAMOUS for becoming martyrs in our families. Except no one in our family has any idea. In our head, we’re like, “NO ONE cares that our house is dirty. I’m the only one who even pays attention to the filth.” But on the outside, we don’t ask for help or try to delegate. We just rage clean. On the inside, we’re like, “I hate cooking every night. I actually don’t like cooking at all!” but on the outside, we just keep plugging along pulling things out of the freezer at 5pm and no one is the wiser that you’re dying inside. I know everyone’s situation is different. I really do. But I firmly believe that if you’re parenting your kids with some sort of partner (anything really, across the board), you HAVE to be splitting up responsibilities equitably. Or at least so that both partners feel things are equitable. That doesn’t mean you’ll have an exactly equal amount of tasks or split down the middle on how long it will take. But in order to have a respectful relationship, one parent cannot be the default parent when it comes to responsibilities pertaining to your kids. And this is especially true for moms who become the she-fault parent (see what I did there) for all things back-to-school. I mean, it’s kinda ingrained in us right? How often do we hear things like “room mom” at school or “snack mom” at practice? It never goes the other way.  Society assumes that moms will just do it all because we’ve LITERALLY ALWAYS JUST DONE IT ALL. And moms are burnt out and overwhelmed. Here’s what you can do to make sure that you’re not taking on all the of the back-to-school brunt: Have that conversation. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told Scott something was bugging me and he would tell me he had no idea it was even happening. Often, something that is a really big deal to us just isn’t on their radars. And, as much as we would like them to be, they simply aren’t mind readers. Be clear and kind, letting them know how you’re feeling and what you propose could be different. Try to focus on what you’d like to see changed rather than on what “always” or “never” do (in fact, just don’t say those two words. It never goes well.) Split things up in a way that actually makes sense. Stop assuming you’ll make all the lunches because you make all the rest of the food in the house. Does your husband work from home? He probably has less to do to get ready in the morning and has extra time so that task can be his. If you drive right past Target everyday on your way home from work, you can be the one to do the drive up order. Take a look at what has to be done and divide it up so that none of you actually hate what you’ve got on your task list. For stuff you both dread, do it together. I talked about this a couple weeks ago, but if you can split that mile high pile of papers that comes home on the first week of school, you’ll get them filled out way faster (that’s how math works). And it’s muuuuch more fun to do it sharing a glass of wine or with a movie on than by yourself crying in the bathroom because your hand keeps cramping up. Bottom line: speak up and don’t let yourself take on ALL the things (plus all the guilt that comes along with not being able to do them all well) simply because that’s how it’s always been.